Choosing A State to Live in

"For I have learned, in whatever state I am in, to be content."

Apostle Paul Phil. 4:11

Within days following my college graduation I headed west with my college roommate to begin life in a new state. I brought along my lifetime accumulations: my precious stereo system, a well-worn record collection, $300 in cash, a laundry basket full of bell-bottoms and tie died t-shirts, and of course, my hard won B. S.

I had lived in Illinois since birth and I was determined to be re-born in a new state; to outdistance my personal history and start over in a new land flowing with new possibilities. I wanted California but settled for Arizona at first. Out west was where men had found their fortune, and the wide open spaces and sunny clime seemed to hold the promise that I too would find a better life there.

I had not learned to be content in whatever state I was in and this initial journey to find happiness was the beginning of decades of searching in the world.

Like many ambitious men, I spent a good deal of my life trying to achieve my way to success, acquire my way to happiness. I achieved and I acquired but the success was short-lived and the acquisitions scratched only the surface wants, leaving my deepest hunger unabated. The promise of the American dream, tantalizingly close but out of reach became for me, an endless season of discontent. I hit bottom. This was great news to my higher self, the part of me that was waiting patiently in the wings for me to call off the fruitless search, turn the ship around and head home.

I did make that about-face a score of years ago and I began my search for inner contentment. That turnaround, from seeking fruitlessly in the world to directing my search toward the spiritual dimension, remains to this day, my best lifetime decision. It is not that I no longer suffer and yearn and long for happiness. I still do, and it's a fairly frequent experience.  The difference is, that having learned the futility of searching for happiness outside of myself, I know where to direct my attention, my faith and my practice. I know from having hit the wall of dissatisfaction with externals so many times, that what I am seeking is the internal domain, the very Presence of God. It is the Kingdom that Jesus described as being immediately and eternally available in the here and now of life.

I have come to know that all my suffering, all discontent takes place when I'm standing outside this Kingdom (awareness). As St. Augustine so succinctly professed, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee, Oh Lord." This is such a high teaching however increasingly these days, I am leaning into the mighty power of this truth and to heed the call to deepen my intention of living and moving and have my being in Divine consciousness. 

I still feel the tension and the pull of the world -with its endless claims to satisfy my desires. But I am becoming more resolute in my moment-to-moment decision to reject the false and hold out for the true. While I still hear the seductive voice promising a better life in some future time and place, I frequently can hear the whisper of the One that says, "Stay with me, right here, right now...you will find lasting comfort, living water." 

I am grateful for this maturation process. Perhaps I cling less to the B.S. (belief system) that drove me to seek another state in my earlier life, and now more likely to seek the good life at hand and birthed in a moment of spiritual awareness. This is now my state of preference. May I remain unmoved. May you make your home here too.