Bringing Darkness to the Light

A couple weeks ago, I shared with our congregation my recent inner struggle with the "blahs". In fact, it was the day before the sharing that I experienced a breakthrough from several days of moderate despair. I mentioned being stymied in not being able to identify the source of those feelings; just an abiding sense of gloom, with no palpable thread of causation.

Much of the feedback I received about that Sunday talk centered on the significance of the honest candor in which I shared my struggle. Many of you apparently are not accustomed to hearing about the human struggle from spiritual leaders. These struggles are legion, and the dearth of disclosures does not represent their scarce occurrence as much as it testifies to our reluctance to be forthcoming. In this article, I hope to offer some light on this topic that is too often avoided in positive spiritual discussion circles.

It happens, as the expression goes, to the best of us. Despite our spiritual foundation, our commitment to spiritual practice, self-awareness, familiarity with the terrain of our personal mind field, we can be tripped up, and fall from a state grace, joy, or peace. When this happens, our response can make all the difference in the world as to how we climb back to our natural God given state of joy and peace.

For many of us, our first response to such negative emotions is denial and/or guilt. Usually carried by the thought, I am spiritual; I can't be, or I shouldn't be feeling sad or depressed! That's simply not true. We all have egos; we are in this world to work out our feelings of separation from God. Whatever feelings arise, they are feedback to what we believe is true in any given moment. For that reason, we must acknowledge them. To deny or repress those feelings would ensure that we remain in darkness, painfully ignorant of what is going on in us. Until we can recognize that these feelings exist in us, we can't begin the spiritual correction process. Of course, our egos would deny these feelings or blame them on the world or other people. However when we deny or project, we ensure that the problem remains beyond our reach, and therefore unsolvable.

It is the good news-bad news of authentic spiritual understanding. On the surface, we confront what appears as the bad news; that the problem lies within us. The good news of course is that we have control over our inner experience, and that means there is a way out of our suffering. By admitting, I am feeling sad, I firmly establish this situation as my experience, with nobody or nothing to blame. When I take responsibility for my experience, I have correctly located the problem, where I can deal with it and find my way out.

So how do we get free when we're mired in
negative emotions? The answer is a reversal of the problem. A Course In Miracles says, "A sense of separation from God is the only lack you really need to correct." My ego does not want to hear this but it just happens to be the truth: My sadness (fear, anger, etc) is a result of a decision that I made. That decision was to see another person or myself or a situation without love. Some form of judgment on my part is blocking my heart and preventing God's love from flowing through me. This is spiritual angina, and it hurts like hell. My only way out is to see through God's eyes, which removes the scales of my faulty perception, and brings darkness into the light of truth. If we are willing to listen to Spirit's voice, we will be shown the truth in any situation, and be blessed by the reversal that turns our darkness into light.

Here is the systematic process offered by ACIM:

I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the
consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.