Embracing Human Love

"When you come to know yourself, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the children of the living Father."
-Gospel of Thomas

Most of us came to know ourselves early on through the way we were seen and treated by our parents. What they saw in us became what we saw in ourselves. How they responded to us shaped our self esteem. Like it or not this way to self discovery and self image is the way it is for us humans. It seems tragically flawed from the start. Or is it?

On the surface, it seems blatantly unfair that an innocent child is subject to the vagaries of his parent's dysfunctions and imbued with a sense of self reflecting their deficient self images. I have my sad stories of growing my self image, and you have yours. We are a huge majority I suspect. I once saw a cartoon, depicting a large conference room with hundreds of chairs, and only two people seated in the room. The banner over the stage read, "Society of Children of Functional Parents."

There being so many of us in this quandary of rectifying our self image as adults, I believe there is an enlightened perspective within this apparent stigma. Unless you believe that the human race must evolve to the point where parents are perfect psychological specimens before there is hope for happy children, read on.

You may suspect that there is a spiritual twist about to happen here. You would be right. For those of us who believe in a higher power, and affirm that the universe (God) is constantly conspiring for our greater good, we look to see the light within the blight. We don't believe in mistakes, no matter how unjust life appears. We believe that every situation in life can lead us to grow spiritually.

As many of us have entered the adult life aching to know who we are, grasping at idols to fill voids in our self image, we usually looked for love in all the wrong places. In desperation, and at wits end to reclaim our souls, some of us have been driven to our knees. When the pain of seeking in the world got too great, we reversed the direction of our search and turned within. We were graced with a realization that before we were a glint in our father's eye we were a spark of the Divine.

When it comes to knowing ourselves there is only one source, one parent that knows us as we truly are. Only this parent can show us our essential nature, love us unconditionally, and lead us unerringly into self awareness, and that is God, our true source. Before Mom and Dad you were created in the image and likeness of Love itself. That Loving parent is constantly reflecting its love back to us and recreating us in its image. This is the fully functional parent-child relationship that we all yearn for, and can all have at last.

I've not been a perfect father to our two boys. I've done some good, and I've made mistakes. I've been there for them, and I've been absent at times. I strive to improve but I will always fall short, which paradoxically I pray will lead them to the Father which art within them.

As Denese told you last week, I spent a week building a backyard deck for Denese's mom, in Vancouver, WA. It was an act of love. It was hard work, and I came up against my limitations, body and mind. I struggled figuring it out in my head and through my hands. Most of the time, my back and wrists ached. I hit myself with the hammer a few times, and beat myself up mentally for mistakes. The end result is not perfect, and the process was flawed. But when I finished last Tuesday I was sure of two things. I did my best, and Denese's Mom felt loved by my effort.

That's how love works at the human level. Whether it's parenting or any of our human relationships, we will make mistakes, the results will be less than perfect, but if we remember to check the level of our hearts and do our best to love each other, we will feel pretty good at the end of the day.