Embracing the Bad Shots, Enjoying the Game

About a year ago I decided to take up the game of golf again. It had been two decades since I had played . It took that long for me to forget and forgive a sport that drove me to intolerable frustration. Many people, who love this game, find it relaxes them, whereby they leave their tensions behind as they move around the course, ending up calmer for having played a round of golf. For me it was the opposite.  I'd start out relaxed and end up wound tight as the ball I could not hit.

Time does fade the memories however, so when our youngest son announced he wanted to join the golf team, Denese and I agreed this was a good time for us to have another go at it, with open minds and willingness to see it differently.  So the three of us took a few lessons from a pro, and we began to practice and play on a regular basis.  Within a few weeks the memories of why I had shelved my clubs for two decades returned as I experienced the recognizable frustrations of the (my) game.  Back with a vengeance was the vexation of my attempts to swing a club at a ridiculously small white sphere buried in grass, followed by wandering amongst trees and even taller grass in a futile attempt to find the errant ball in order to try and hit it again at a target that was no longer in sight! 

I know what many of you wise souls are thinking after reading the above. It's only a GAME! What's wrong with this guy that he can't just lighten up and PLAY IT LIKE A GAME!  This was (is) to be my real golf lesson, this time around. I had come back to this sport in order to learn to forgive, forget and move on with every "bad" shot and maintain a sense of enJOYment in the pristine green environment behind me, around me and before me.  However, for me and those of us who play with an inner partner (aka THE CRITIC) this is no small feat.   But I'm encouraged that I'm making progress.  On a recent trip to Portland area with Nathan, we played a round of golf that I ended up enjoying more than any other I've ever played.

The mental approach I worked with that made such a difference in my enjoyment of what could have been one more frustrating round, was a simple embracing process. This method is about simply "being with" whatever feelings arise - not judging, pushing away or analyzing....just being with them.  The effect on difficult emotions and feelings can be transformative. Here's how it worked on the course.

For the first 6 or 7 holes I was totally focused on hitting the ball well, my swing mechanics, remembering all the pointers from my last lesson, comparing myself with my son (who's a natural ) worrying that I would revert to bad habits again, etc.  Every bad shot was like a kick in the groin.  I was not having fun. On our way to the next tee box it hit me. I was reminded to just be with all these feelings, so I just let go and felt into the frustration, the disappointment, and the unrealized expectations. Remarkably, In the presence of simply Being, the anxious feelings softened, and began to recede. As that opening in me took place I looked ahead and saw such amazing beauty that I swear just appeared before my eyes. There we were surrounded by undulating fields of green, clear ponds embraced by wildflowers, a breeze that carried the fragrance of this verdant landscape,  against the stunning backdrop of Mt. St. Helens. Had it been there all along? Of course, but I was not there. I was looking backwards, stuck in the regret of past mistakes and blind to the splendor before me.  In the context of pure Being, however, the pain of my limitations faded and I came back to Life.   My senses and sensibilities returned along with a feeling of deep gratitude for this moment of re-creation with my son in a most beautiful place on earth.

This is a lesson about enjoying life, and not letting the inner critic berate your bad shots nor rob you of the beautiful landscape that surrounds you. No matter how well you hit or miss, be with all of it, and enjoy the game.